The Tax Man ComethThis is a featured page

By Jkkitty




"Napoleon, you do realize that one of us is trying to work here, don't you?"

The CEA's desk was piled high with receipts and bills of every kind. He was attempting to put them into piles and searching his desk for more paper clips. His always perfectly coiffed hair had abandoned him, as it was tousled from running his fingers through it. He stood with his suit jacket removed along with his shoulder holster, both cast aside to bring him some bit of comfort.

"You don't understand, you lucky Russian. April 15th is almost here and I need to get this done."

"Well that's the first time I have ever had you call me a lucky Russian, what is it that makes me so lucky and what does April 15th have to do with it?"

"Tax day! The day we American's pay any money, we still owe the government. As a Russian citizen, you don't have to do it!"

"And the receipts?"

"If we can prove that we've spent extra money on items that are above the norm and for which we're not reimbursed by our employers then we may take them as deductions off the amount the government expects from us."

"Oh, I see. We do pay something like taxes in Russia, they tell the people how much they need to give the government out of our paychecks, and we give it to them and if not we are shot. I do not consider that lucky, at least your failure to pay taxes do not result in death."

Napoleon stopped what he was doing to look at this partner. He had never thought of how it must be in a country where they were told what to do and how to do it without the freedom of choice.

Illya left his chair and began to look at the receipts sitting on his partner's desk. After taking note of a few of them, he questioned Napoleon.

"I thought it is for items that are unreimbursed."

"It is," he said as he grabbed the papers out of his hands.

"But Napoleon almost all those suits were replaced by UNCLE"

"Well I had other ones that weren't replaced so I am using these receipts to cover those."

"That does not sound legal to me. Is it?"

"Well it's not illegal, just questionable."

Illya lifted an eyebrow as he continued looking though the papers on the desk.

"Napoleon!" he said bringing his partners eyes back to him. "You cannot possibly use these receipts!"

"They were business expenses," Napoleon said as he tried to pull the receipts out of his hands.

"I know for a fact that these two are dinners and nights spent with Angelique, while this one is with Serena. How can you justify them as 'business' expenses?"

"I'm a UNCLE agent and they are Thrush. I use dinner to soften them up, and evening's activities to get information from them. Now if you don't mind," he placed the retrieved receipts back to the piles on his desk.

Illya rolled his eyes sarcastically, then asked, "Can you deduct the bug spray you need to carry with you when dining and bedding those two? As well as any antiseptic solutions to use after the fact. But seriously Napoleon I do not think your government will allow that large a deduction for condoms?" Illya snickered obnoxiously.

"You're not helping, go away."

Instead, picking up one more receipt, Illya shook his head. "Even you cannot justify this one. It was for our stay in Mexico on vacation."

"If you remember it was a working vacation. Waverly asked if we would mind looking over security while we were there, that's working."

"But it only took four hours out of the week."

"Therefore, it cut into our vacation time."

Illya shook his head, placing the receipt back on the ever-growing pile.

"Who is doing your taxes?"

"Doris from accounting."

"The one you have been taking out to dinner and dancing all week?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact."

"Well my friend, all I can say good luck with your fairy tale. I hope you can get the IRS to believe it."

"Why don't you go eat something?" Napoleon asked annoyed with his partner's comments.

"I am just trying to help. You do not want the tax collectors knocking at your door do you?"

Napoleon picked up his calendar and threw it at Illya, "Out now!"

Illya ducked, laughing as he ran out the door to avoid any further projectiles launched in his direction.
"If you need any more help let me know," he shouted over his shoulder.

As the door opened, it made a small breeze that sent the neatly stacked receipts fluttering about the office.




Napoleon stood staring and running his hand through his hair once more, he sighed as he resorted the receipts, again. But this time he locked the door.

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