All the World's a Deadly Stage AffairThis is a featured page

By Jkkitty

Chapter 1

“Come in,” Gregory Blu said as he opened the door to his play’s sponsor, Antonio Marcon.

Before him stood a black haired, brown-eyed man who gave the impression that he could and did own everything he wanted. He fingered his well-shaped mustache as he pushed past Blu forcing the man to move out of his way.

“I’m here to check on my company’s investment. Tell me how you are spending our money,” Marcon ordered.

Blu was unhappy about the situation. Thrush would only give him backing if they controlled every aspect of the project. Marcon was assigned to keep an eye on his progress, as the play hadn’t left off-Broadway yet. The accountants from Thrush were concerned that the cost of the production wouldn’t be worth the outcome, yet Central was willing to allow him to proceed, But he had to deal with Marcon who was a conceited jerk. He demanded complete control over everything he touched.

“Okay go over your plan once more so I can see if we’re missing anything,” Marcon commanded.

Blu recounted the plan. “We have invited a number of dignitaries who are here in Washington for a conference on world peace to attend a special premier performance. We're telling them there's a champagne and caviar reception to follow the play, but that of course won't be happening. However, my brother, Gordon’s drug will have the actors and actresses following our orders without question and assassinating the dignitaries during the performance.”

“What about their security people?”

“We’re still planning on neutralize them by giving them another drug that will put them out of action.”

“I want a more detailed plan of the operation prepare in writing by tomorrow. How is the play itself coming?”

“We’re right on schedule sir. We’ll have the play ready for opening night and most of the dignitaries have already accepted their invitation. The actors are so excited about being in the play, and what they think is their opening night. None of them are aware that it will be their only performance. I have to say that I was worried when you put in the stipulation that Miss Jensen be the star, but I found her to be a very talented and excellent actress. And Sparks, I couldn’t find a better electrician anyplace.”

They were two of the concessions that he had made to receive Macron’s backing but surprisingly both people had worked out well. It was just the fact that he had to give this man anything that irritated him.

“I asked you to tell me how you are spending my money. I’m not a fool Blu, and wouldn’t have put them on the payroll if I didn’t know they would be a good addition. I don’t throw Thrush’s money about carelessly. Now I want to see your expense reports.”

Marcon looked over the books saying nothing until he got to one of the last items. “Why did you change the work schedule on the 12th?”

“Harmony, I mean Miss Jensen was ill that day sir, and it was her scene that had been set up to rehearse, we did work around the issue. As you can see, we’re up to date.”

The door flew open and Harmony came running in, throwing her arms around Marcon covering his face with kisses.

“Oh Antonio, I have missed you so much,” she said as he removed her arms and pushed her away.

The two men looked at her. She was 5’4”, about 115 lbs., shining blue eyes, a strawberry blonde braid down the center of her back, dressed in a black leotard that hugged her body tightly.

“Control yourself!” he demanded.

She stopped quickly looking disappointed. “I missed you so. I am sorry to interrupt you,” she mumbled as she turned to leave.

“I didn’t tell you to go. Can you explain to me why they had to switch the order of rehearsal because of you,” he demanded.

Blu could see the sparkle in her eyes change to fear.

“I was sick,” she said quietly.

Marcon grabbed her arm pulling her into the corner of the room. “I told you to cooperate with the director. What did you take? Drugs, alcohol? What made you sick?”

“Nothing, honest Antonio. I just had a little stomach flu,” she said moving farther back into the corner.

A fast slap had her bursting into tears and running from the room.

“Really she didn’t cause any problems and has been very compliant. There was no reason to slap her.” Blu defended her.

Marcon whipped around with a look in his eyes that left no room for arguing. “She’s my problem, not yours.”

Sparks stormed into the room, “I knew you were here Tony; Harmony has a reddened face and is crying. What the hell did you do to her this time?”

The blond man before them was about was 5’8”, 145 lbs. filling out his tight black tee shirt nicely, showed his anger as his blue eyes turned gray.

“What I do with her is none of your business. Don’t push your luck with me or you might find yourself back in jail.”

“You would not do that, I know too much.”

“Try me.” The two men looked at each other with draggers in their eyes.

At last, Sparks backed down. “Do not touch her again.”

After he left the room, Marcon turned to Blu. “I expect to be notified immediately if there are any other problems.”

He left the producer who once more wondering what he had gotten himself into.


Later that night, Marcon opened the door to find Harmony standing outside it. He noticed that down the hall, one of the men from the play was watching her.

“Get in here,” he demanded, yanking her by the arm, closing the door and turning her around only to be met by a lip lock. Napoleon Solo returned the kiss with passionate desire.

“Napoleon, do you realize it has been two months since we had any time together,” Josephina Kuryakin said as he released her.

She then spotted the food table behind him and rushed to it. “I am not sure what I love more right now, your lips or this food. They have the performers on starvation diets to keep our figures,” she told him as she loaded a dish with food.

“You don’t need to watch your figure, it’s perfect. However it’s nice to know that I could be of assistance,” he said letting her know that he was disappointed she left him a turkey sandwich and noodle salad.

“You could always feed me,” she laughed as she carried the sandwich to the couch, taking big bites out of it.

He answered a second knock on the door, finding Sparks standing there. Noticing two other people that he had seen at the playhouse down the hall he said, “Sparks, I told you 7pm not 7:15. I don’t have time for you to keep me waiting. Get in here now!”

The electrician entered the room, as the two men down the hall disappeared around the corner.

“Seems you picked up a tail?” Napoleon questioned his partner.

“They have been following me since I left the theater,” Illya said as he headed for the food table. “I think Blu is concerned about you, and how you might ruin his plans.”


They ate quietly, amazing Napoleon as to how much food Illya and his sister could down in one sitting, but today Jo was even out-eating her brother. Once finished, they began to go through the papers that were spread across the table.

“Is this the total information that you gathered in the last two months?” Illya asked indicating that it didn’t seemed like much.

“Yes, that and a bullet to the shoulder,” he said making a face while rubbing his wounded arm.

“Are you okay, moya lyubov?” Jo asked.

“Do not encourage him. He will use it as an excuse as to why it has taken two months to get the information we need,” Illya grinned.

“Grumpy today, aren’t we?” Napoleon shot back at this partner.

“Tired. Between working at the theater and trying to figure out the data that I have been able to get, it leaves very little time to sleep or for that matter anything else.”

“And you Jo?”

“Also very tired. Rehearsing eight to ten hours a day is not easy.”

“Have you gone through ‘the scene’ yet”, he asked her, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“I have told you. I will not be nude; I will have a flesh color bodysuit—so forget whatever it is that is on your mind, Solo.”

The nude screen in the play had been causing the media to mention it frequently when writing about the play.

“I wasn’t suggesting anything,” he said raising his hands in surrender. “What is it that you like doing the best in the play?” he asked knowing that it might be best to avoid mentioning the nude scene in the play for the now.

With a gleam in her eye said, “Let me show you my favorite song.”

She started to sing the words to ‘Hair’ as she moved up behind her brother, running her hands through his hair, and tousling it as she sang.

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

“Josephina, stop it!” Illya ordered as he grabbed her by the wrists, pulling them from his head and pushing them away from him.

Napoleon and Jo laughed, making him scowl. Napoleon was always surprised at how innocent Jo could seem one minute and deadly the next.

I do not find that funny at all.”

“That is because you do not have a sense of humor,” she accused.

“Children, can we get back to work?” Napoleon interrupted.

Sister and brother sat down on opposite sides of the table, Illya still looking unhappy after her teasing.

Let’s review what we have so far. Before our operative in France was killed, he sent us a message that he had intercepted--a request of money to back a musical being produced by Blu. His alluded to the fact that Blu’s brother Gordon had come up with a new drug that would allow Thrush to control the performers and use them to destroy a large number of dignitaries in one swoop. Thrush sent a man to give him the money but also control the project.”

“Enter Mr. Marcon who had an accident on the way to Washington. So Napoleon, as Mr. Marcon, enters with his beautiful actress girlfriend and a grabby electrician who works for him,” she offered.

“Jo!” Illya glared at her.

He continued before they could start up again, “After giving Blu the money he needed, I went to France while you two went to the theater. I found the lab where the drug was being developed.”

“After only a month and a half,” Illya mumbled still annoyed that the two others had teased him.

Napoleon continued ignoring him. “Unfortunately, before I could get in to put a stop to it, Gordon managed to slip through our fingers along with the drug that our lab people need to determine what it’s meant to do. What did you two find out?”

Illya explained what he had found. “After Gordon showed up at the theater, a lot of equipment was moved into the basement of the place. I was able to get down there and found they had set up a lab. When I went in to fix an outlet for them, I did get a look at a few of his notes, but nothing that would explain what they are up too. Yesterday I did find the safe, but the lab techs never left the area for me to attempt to open it. Plus, since Gordon arrived, he has pretty much locked himself in there.”

Jo added her findings. “Dr. Blu has been down stairs most of the time while Gregory spends most of his time jumping everytime someone new appears. I am sure that most of the performers know nothing about what is going on. There are a few in the general cast who are building up the last act where members of the audience are brought up on stage—I think whatever is going to happen will occur at this time.” Jo added. “I guess what I do not understand is why Waverly does not put a stop to it right now.”

“We can’t prove that they are up to anything yet, and if we put a stop to it here where we know about it, they could move it to an unknown place,” Napoleon explained.

“Well, I am going back to my room and get some sleep. Jo?” Illya yawned.

“Well with Marcon here, he would expect his woman to spend the night. I suppose I need to look like I’ve been roughed up by him so before you go, help me with the bruises will you?”

Between Napoleon and Illya, they applied dark makeup on her arms, designed by Section Eight to make it look as if Marcon had bruised her Once Illya left, the two agents snuggled together on the couch.

Jo gently touched Napoleon’s arm. “Are you really okay my love?”

“It was just a scratch; just didn’t see the man sneaking up on me until it was too late. I miss having my partner watching my back.”

“I am sorry Illya was not there for you Napoleon, but I have to say that it has been wonderful working with him. Not counting medical time, I think this is the most I have seen him since we were reunited.” She whispered, “I do get a little bit lonely when you are on assignments. I never thought I would care so much about someone, but I gotten used to having the two of you around.”

He pulled her closer to him, “You do know that you never have to be lonely again, don’t you? UNCLE has given you a family and friends, and I, moya lyubov, will do everything in my power to keep you from being lonely.”

He leaned over, passing his lips softly over hers and brushing her cheek with his fingertips before he gave her a deep passionate kiss.

“Come on,” he offered her his hands, “I want to make love to you; I’ve missed being with you as well.”

. . . .

Chapter 2

(1)—Words from the song Hair from the play Hair which tells the story of the "tribe", a group of politically active, long-haired hippies of the "Age of Aquarius" living a bohermian life in New York City and fighting against conscription into the Vietnam War. At the time of the above story it was just started to appear on off-broadway before changes were made to it and it became a hit on Broadway.

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